Another Parody

Oh dear. Here's another one. This time, its Jingle Bells my demented brain has mutilated. Sincere apologies to anyone who actually LIKES that song. .

Spanky Games

Browsing through the toys, its a chore to pick and choose
Such variety, so which ones should we use?
Paddle, brush and strap? Or maybe cane and crop?
Or maybe hand spanks to warm up til someone begs to stop!
Chorus

Chorus
Oh, Spanky games, spanky games, are such fun to play!
Add them to your party list for this year's Christmas Day!
Spanky games, spanky games, all the players know;
We'll be ending Christmas time with a warm stinging glow!


Now the cheeks are white, go and have some fun;
Redden them tonight, and soothe them when you're done!
Leather's burn is a treat, wood's sting is nice too;
But Tops should watch those kicking feet or there's some pain for YOU!
Chorus

Spanking Parody

I blame Erica for this, as it was re-reading her parody post for this year that actually got this one started.

Its a parody for Winter Wonderland. I don't know how to imbed videos, so you'll just have to follow the link.

Spanky Wonderland

Paddles swing, are you listening?
Rosy pink, bums are glistening!
A beautiful sight, stinging hot tonight
Playing in a Spanky Wonderland.

Otk, just for starters,
In your stay-ups and garters,
Then over a chair, your bottom quite bare,
Playing in a Spanky Wonderland

After corner time to sensitise.
Canes come out and the fun starts again!
Be too sassy and you risk sore thighs
Or bonus strokes make 20 out of 10.

Later on, you'll conspire,
As the after-burn gets higher;
To brat, unafraid, the Top-friend you've made;
Next time you're in Spanky Wonderland.

Dammit, Erica!! Now I've been bitten by the parody bug.

Mr D, if you read this, please do NOT take this as instructions for next time. My muse is demented.

To everyone else, Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Happy Hunakkah or whatever-the-hell you do at this time of year. And to all my bloggy friends, Happy Spankings

Terri

Love Our Lurkers 7

Welcome Love our Lurkers day 7! Wow, I actually posted about it on the day. YAY!!

Love and spanks to anyone who actually reads this blog. God knows, I could use a few. *giggle* Thank GOD I'm in a good mood today and don't have anything to rant and rail about. Happily wasting a LOT of internet space on YouTube. Anyhow, love my lurkers, love lurking (and occasionally commenting) on blogs belonging to Hermione, Bonnie, Erica, Todd&Suzy and several others.

So, leave a comment, or don't. Whatever. I'm off to prune my poor rose. I swear, that rose is unkillable. Its getting ignored routinely, watered maybe once a month, (if we don't get rain) and the little bugger's THRIVING.

Thankyou, Bonnie!

Yeah, um, Thanks, Bonnie. Thanks for everything you've done for the blogosphere, and um, yeah, just thanks. Not sure what else to say that hasn't been said yet.

Uh, yeah. Lots of Love

Terri

Fifty *Whatevers* of *nothing important*...and a lot of off=topic self pity ranting.. (Post got derailed into ranting, real post to follow)

Thanks, Erica! I NEEDED the giggle reading your post about the Fifty Shades series (and your thoughts on This post from Amberance, and its subsequent follow-ups) gave me, to counteract the fury induced by THIS one from Abel. I've seen various other rather polarised rants from various people belonging to TTWD, about E.L. James' series, but have no intention of reading it myself. I can already tell I won't like it, just from the reviews, and I got enough of being forced to read books I KNEW from the reviews I wouldn't like, in secondary school. (I was proven right every time. And I got my face whacked WAY too many times in year 10, and then got (And still get) accused of 'faking it' or being 'paranoid' or 'too jumpy' because there are scenes in Romeo and Juliet I dive sideways if people around me start quoting.

"Thank me no thankings, proud me no prouds. *WHACK*" For example. *Rubs cheek* OW. Even thinking about it makes my cheek sting. One time, our poor teacher didn't check the force he was using from smacking a desk to get everyone's attention to acting out that line, and I was knocked sideways by the force. And of course, the teachers' aide accuses me of making an un-necessary fuss and faking it.

Damn. I just derailed myself, when I wanted to stay on topic. Now, back to Fity Yucks of Putridness.

Any book that seems to think that strong women NEED to submit, or that successful women should apologise if they have a kinky side (or the other way around. Or BOTH, if the case may be!) I will have issues with. Any book that AUTOMATICALLY assumes that anyone who is into TTWD is only into it to either please their partner, or because they were abused as a child or a young person, (Or any combination of this) also immediately earns my ire. (Sadly, I did find TTWD due to abuse...sorta. When I was first eighteen I knew nothing about TTWD, even though I had encountered bits and pieces of it in google searches during a school assignment on spousal abuse vs child abuse a few years perviously.

A google search, and a spanking 'porn' website later, I was hooked. (I'd originally found that website when I was sixteen, on a really bad day, and memorised its address, cause I was too young to look at it. That was during the infamous assignment.) Yes, I became a hard-core spanko because I felt sorrier for the poor girl on the screen than I felt for myself...And that was after making one of the hardest decisions of my life. (I had been forced, the previous weekend, to choose between the new clothes I needed, and the dignity, personal space, and lack of parental internal violation which should have been my automatic RIGHT. I was sixteen at the time, and accidentally found that 'porn' site during a school assignment.

I deliberately went back to the site when I turned 18. I think that was Girls' Boarding School. (No link to that, cause I can't find the site, and the new site the old address transfers to is full of BDSM stuff, which actually squicks me. Spanking, I'm into. Getting tied up then spanked, no thanks. Getting tied up and forcibly penetrated? NO. I got enough of that from my mother's fingers as a kid, because I wouldn't hold still and co-operate when she decided she had the right to check if my new trousers fit in the crotch...by PUTTING HER HAND UP MY CROTCH.) Shit, I'm resentful today.

Anyway, the old Girls' Boarding School was good, but had too much gratuitous nudity for my tastes. I've been an on-again-off-again member of a different site, depending on my finances. (And no, David, this isn't a plea for a gift subscription, even though I greatly appreciated the first one, eight years ago.-J.) One of its best-known models, and its owner, are MySpace friends of mine, although they know me by my first name, rather than the shortening of my middle name, which is what I usually go by. (I think they also know that neither name is actually my legal name, which I was taught at school to NEVER give out online...one of the number of things my schooling (both primary and secondary) taught me that were actuallyy GOOD advice) Hi, David and Pixie. And everyone else over at Here. I love you guys. Thanks for being there when I needed to rant and yell about crap. Sorry I haven't actually messaged you for FAR too long.

GRRRR. Derailed myself again. And made myself mad. Excuse me, I need chocolate.

*Ten minutes later* OK. I'm back. I was talking about the Fifty Shades series. Frankly, I'd rather talk about the Famous Five or the Secret Seven, but I won't talk about them on an adult-only blog. No matter how much I love them, or think various characters could have benefitted from a good paddling or three. Hell, Harry Potter's even better than Fifty Eurghs of Blech. (And it has its own spanko following. How else does one explain all the spanking fanfics?)

*Clears throat* ANYWAY. I was SUPPOSED to be ranting about how much the Fifty Shades series sucks, and instead I'm off on one of my epic self-pity rants. Feel free to suggest getting myself a life, or getting over it and not being an ungrateful little *deleted*.

Stuff this. Go read Amberance's posts, while I get the mad out of my head. I'll be back when I'm not pissed at the universe.

Spanko Chefs?!

Yes, you read that right. Spanko Chefs. I'm currently watching MasterChef Australia. (God bless the internet, and whomeoardver the wonderful person who figured out how to make tv shows work online, so you can watch shows again online, or catch up on what you missed, is!) and there was a week in which they had several really faous celebrity chefs... and this is with the fact the show is actually RUN by three very famous chefs, with plenty of regular guest chefs. Gary, Matt and George, who are the best known faces of MasterChef Australia, aren't going to feature in this post. They might in a later one, who knows.

This post, features a wooden board. And an antipasti competition. (Anyone who can tell me what the difference between antipasti, antipasto, and antipasta is, will win brownie points!) And Jamie Oliver. (To whom go my sincerest apologies, respect and admiration.)

My first thought, when that board showed up, was: 'Are we completely SURE that's a food-grade serving platter, and not the headmaster's paddle?' A thought echoed a few minutes later in the program, with guest chef Matt saying 'don't let the plank spank you." Jamie also made a spanking comment at the time.

Jamie went on, during his running commentary on what he was doing, as well as what the three contestants he was competing against were doing, (well done, Alice, Tregan and Jules, you three were great, but this happened two weeks ago, and I'm just now blogging about it, so, sorry!) to make a few more spanking comments, mainly about how worried he was about whether his planned dishes would work, or whether he'd end up getting spanked.

But the real winner came when the judges, (regular Matt, Gary and George) were handing out their decisions. Jamie, with an odd, almost embarassing (to the viewer, and perhaps to those there at the time!) candidness and honesty, said that the ending had been 'bittersweet'. He then went on to say that he 'quite would've liked to have been spanked by these girls.'

Whether he meant that he would have preferred them to outscore him in the challenge, or he would have preferred the presence of a fifth board, for practical use, is yet to be seen. But one can speculate. And one can be deliciously embarassed by the speculation. And one can pray to any higher being, or to whatever one holds holy, that one can look Jamie in the face if one ever meets him. Cause, after a line like that, I somehow doubt I'd be able to look the man in the face.

Whether MasterChef Australia has any more similar gems to pull out remains to be seen.

Something I found over at Todd and Suzy's

Thursday Knight at the Round Table over at Todd and Suzy's, and today's topic was particularly thought provoking to me. So much so, in fact, that I fully intended to comment on it. Until my brain and keyboard spewed up the following, that is....

*The topic is rique humour and spanking*

Yeah, um. Making fun of serious spanking issues.... TOTALLY agree you have to know your audience. Cause 'keep that up and you'll get a beating' or similar are POPULAR parental phrases... and we never know if they're kidding or not. My mother especially loved to use them, and other similar threats, and then NEVER follow through. Either that, or RANDOMLY follow through... which left me paranoid. Paranoid, and with little sense of humour... which mother got mad about. "can't you take a joke, you (cant remember what she called me, and don't want to make unfair accusations)?" she once asked, after making a joke that I was going to get a beating for bad grades... after what I'd thought was a pretty good end of year report. So,... er, no. Not when I can't tell if you're joking or not, I can't.


Almost got raped once due to joking about serious stuff... well, a guy tried to force himself on me, anyway. I kept saying 'no,' and he finally stopped trying to convince me that it would be fun and i'd enjoy it and stuff.... and it all started cause he made a joke about spanking and I grumbled about hating empty threats. *I was 19 and gullible and stupid at the time, but i'm not sure if that's an excuse) My friends' dads and I had a fairly similar dynamic, only THEY never foced themselves on me cause of it, so I genuinely thought it would be OK to do it with anyone who made that kind of dumb joke, so long as it wasn't my mother. SHE forced herself on me enough as it was.... yeah, I mentioned I'm screwed up tonight. Just ignore that last sentence, it's not important..


Uh, yeah. Joking about safewords... well, let's just say that safewords shouldn't just be for adults. I know it's not a good idea to let a kid who's being really impossible believe it takes one or two apologies and a few fake tears... (and make sure those tears definitely ARE faked before you start throwing about accusations, or you'll train your emotionally fragile child completely OUT of crying, to the point where they believe their medication doesn't work because they can't stop crying for no reason, rather than accepting that crying a bit over a sad story or movie, (or serious personal life issues) is normal... uh, yeah. persoanl experience. sorry for all the ellipses, I don't NORMALLY believe in using that many)... but a kid whos looking at you with terror in their eyes, begging for mercy, and not just trying to swim off your lap, but actually trying to crawl down the side of the bed, so they manage to trap themselves between the bed and the wall... well, you might want to let them safeword, rather than keeping on hitting them. Otherwise, you'll end up hitting their sides and front and shoulders, rather than natures supposedly intended target... again, personatl experience.

dammit, I'm messed up tonight. Must go seek something useful on eBay to cheer self up. Won the cutest little green and blue gingham romper today. Am currently watching a mug. Have been told will be spanked if buy more stuff... oddly enough by both housemates, godmother and psychiatrist.... well, not so much the third. I'm pretty sure he thinks I should be, though, from how sternly he keeps telling me to stop buying stuff on eBay.

Am better able to make jokes about spanking stuff these days... or at least to recognise them. Also know not to try and call anyone's bluff on a spanking joke, cause they might take it as an invite to take more than I could, or would, possibly offer.

uh, yeah. am closing this post, before it gets too depressing... or too weird.

Hugs, Terri

Edit, several months later: I won the mug! The listing, for Heaven knows what reason, BOASTED that the mug, which happens to be a collectors' item, (Well, I guess it is now, since it was memorabillia from a band's tour in 1993!) had NEVER been used. It's a MUG, folks, not a china doll! Anyhow, I had it for one week, and it had been used six times. Then I won a collectors' teaspoon to go with the mug. Seriously, from the same tour and everything. I was so pleased!